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Structure and OrderMy dh and I started praying together about our children and their "issues". We have not been happy with the atmosphere in our home, the bickering among the children, and especially the lack of motivation to be productive resulting in mischievousness and destructiveness. The results have been really good and really hard requiring changes in me first, then in how our household is run. The Lord began to show me that I needed to provide more structure for the children. For those who are naturally structured and stick to a routine, what I share will be totally foreign to you. But if you are an ADHD adult (diagnosed or not), have difficulty staying on task yourself, tend to flit from activity to activity, have difficulty keeping your home in order, then this article is for you. Unless our children are presented with an organized role model, they will end up disorganized and without purpose. Back to the story: My children were habitually waking up in the morning and just "going their own way." I had expectations but no concrete plan for seeing that what was expected was completed. The Lord showed me that they needed something to do almost every moment of the day unless they had specific free time to play. This sounded so harsh to me and, to be honest, I delighted in my free time as a child because of the fantasy world I lived in. But my children were getting into mischief much too often and something had to change. So (this is definitely a work in progress) when my children wake up, they must do their morning tasks before eating breakfast:
Everyone helps at every meal using the Kitchen Duty Chart:
For more on details on making mealtimes a family time, see Meal Times. After breakfast, my children have another set of tasks to complete:
Then it is time for school: even school is on the Daily Routine so the children can see their progress as they check off the major subjects. School is broken up by lunch and short breaks to gather greens and insects for our chickens. This gives the children fresh air and exercise while doing something to serve the family. After school is completed, or when we reach a certain time in the afternoon, whether school is finished or not, we pick up and clean house together using the Afternoon Chore Chart:
Once the required tasks are completed, the children may play outside, ride their bikes or read -- whatever they would like to do with their free time. Then it is time for dinner, and, once again, each child is required to provide some service during the meal preparation even if it is entertaining the baby. Our children need to work alongside us to learn how to complete tasks in an excellent manner. We need to teach them step-by-step how to complete each task they are assigned. And let us not forget that they will also model our attitudes toward work. We need to enthusiastically complete our work as unto the Lord. We need to model excellence in everything that we do! What are the benefits of a structured, orderly day? My 10yo ADHD, gifted, mood disorder/depression child has discovered that he delights in order. We spent 2 hours on Monday organizing everyone's school notebooks, and he kept commenting on how much he liked the dividers, knowing where everything was, etc. He appreciates knowing what to expect and when to expect it. We will be doing organization time every Monday morning so the week starts out neat and organized. My 7yo ADHD possibly Asperger's/high functioning autism (not diagnosed, just suspected) son is finding that he cannot sneak off and outside as much because Mommy is watching him. He also discovered that he likes school and has decided it is time to start writing. His motivation was that he couldn't get a library card until he could write his first and last name by himself. Within a day or two he was writing. The other two that are old enough to care seem to appreciate the fact that mommy isn't just on the computer, but giving them much more attention. Of course, this is the downfall of our new structured lives: me. I am not a structured person, but a "by the seat of her pants" kind of gal. Can't do this anymore because many little people are looking to me for direction and they need to know what to expect. I have created detailed chore and job charts (how to do each chore in easy-to-handle steps). A 3-ring binder contains all my information so far. I need to keep all this in one central location for my own benefit. I am also including a "Life Skills" section from Women: Living Life on Purpose by Kym Wright with goals for each of the children. I posted the children's Daily Routine and Duty/Chore charts on the refrigerator for the children's easy reference and checking off as they go about their duties. Step-by-step instructions were posted in each of the children's rooms to guide the children in cleaning them. The benefits of the changes in my home are many. Let me close by saying that not only have the children benefited from structure and order in their lives, but I have found that I prefer an ordered day. I delight in the peaceful activity I see around me as my children are busy with useful activities instead of wandering around lost, not sure where to go next. I thank the Lord for His continued discipline in my life and for the guidance He provides so I can meet my children's needs effectively. The following charts are available for free download:
You can download these and other Free Resources for personal use only. Michele Haynes, who was diagnosed ADHD-Inattentive Type in 1998, is a stay-at-home, homeschooling mother of six who does part-time web development. Her husband, a consulting engineer, was also diagnosed with ADHD. ©Copyright 2006 by ADHD of the Christian Kind. |
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