My ADD Life!
by Karen Hurd
I have ADD/ADHD. I was just reading another member's post and
she wondered how much control an ADDer has over their
thoughts and hyperfocus. SO if it's any help, I
thought that I would write what it's like.
First, we can be a lot of fun, when we are not
depressed, negative, or in a low self-esteem mode,
things that come with being ADD. You'll never know
what will come out of our mouths next! Neither
do we!
We tend to suffer with guilt because our minds wander off
and we have left the planet before we know it. By the
time I realize that I have gone on a mind trip, one or
two minutes, or even 30-40 minutes, have passed and I
didn't know it. So now I beat myself up because I just lost
time or missed what you said. So things
like prayer and listening to a sermon are perfect
mind-tripping territory. Then I forget what I was
doing before my mind trip and go on to something else.
Fantasy is easy. It comes naturally to me.
Daydreaming is not a struggle; staying present is.
Medication or natural supplements help, but I am still
swimming upstream.
If I am expending a great deal of energy to
concentrate and stay present, then I can't do other
stuff. I may be exhausted from concentrating during
school, or our conversation, or reading a book. For
mundane things like putting away my car keys, I have
to consciously tell myself, "Put the keys on the hook.
Do not stop. Go to the hook. The keys are now on
the hook." If I don't do that, I will set the keys
down and never have any idea that they were ever in my
hands. I will then spend 45 minutes looking for the
keys. I once put them on top of the fridge.
I can stare at you, go on a mind trip, and not know
that I am doing both. I may also have a hard time
reading your body language for clues that I may have
crossed a boundary. I interrupt you before I can catch
myself. So I live with embarrassment of all my social
faux pas.
Routine drives me crazy. I am bored very quickly
-- like within minutes. Yet I need routine because I have very
little internal structure. I have irregular appetite
and sleep patterns. I have no internal clock. So
minutes and hours feel the same to me. I often
underestimate time. I am often late because of this.
It is very easy for me to get addicted to
anything. If I am engrossed in something, it is
extremely difficult for me to "pull out". If I am
forced to pull out, I am agitated and angry. Because I'm
distractable, I multi-task, but in reality my
multi-tasking is starting lots of fires and then
shutting down, because I'm overwhelmed by the jobs I just
created.
I forget very important things. I don't mean to. I
may have even written lots of reminders and memory-
booby traps so I don't forget, and then don't see the
reminders. To remember something important, like your
birthday, or anniversary, I will expend my
concentration energy to do that, but forget other
stuff. So I am preoccupied.
I need a simple life, but that's boring, so I create
chaos and complexity which then becomes overwhelming.
Sheesh!
Us ADDers are usually very bright (I'm joining MENSA),
so that allows us to compensate for lots of stuff.
But to you it looks like we can "do it" when we want
to. Well, yes and no. We have to admit that we have
a handicap, and take responsiblity for what we can,
and understand that at some point we can be
frustrating to everybody else. I need a mental "wheel
chair ramp". Then I must use it.
But you know what? You can also call on me at the last minute, and I can pull it off. I'm real good at the "ad-hoc" stuff.
The Lord uses my ADD weakness for His Glory, and weaves it into His Service. He's THAT good!
Karen Hurd
©Copyright
2006 by ADHD of the Christian Kind.
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