ADHD of the Christian Kind - Helping Your Child Deal with Anger

Helping Your Child Deal with Anger

The Word of God gives us many examples for learning to discern the appropriate resolution of anger. Anger is an emotion; in and of itself, anger is not a sin. It is how that emotion is acted on that determines whether or not a sin is committed. It can, though, be an indicator of spiritual heart problems.

In addition to exploring when your child is angry and acts on that anger, my hope is that through identifying why they are experiencing anger, they can better know how to respond.

Finally, parents, I must remind you to examine your own behavior: what do you model in your home? How do you respond to your angry feelings? If you are weak in this area, you are blessed that He provides repentance, restoration and transformation by the Holy Spirit. Allow the Lord to search your heart and show you any problems you might have with anger during this family time of Bible study. You might even need to confess and ask your children to forgive you for the bad choices you made while angry.

Before you start:

A prayerful attitude: ask the Lord for insight and understanding of His Word for each family member
Gather the following tools:
1. Bible in one or two translations
2. Children's Bible for each child
3. Mirror
4. Construction paper, stapler, white or colored copy paper, markers, pen
5. Copy of this Bible study (permission is granted to print out for personal use)
6. A set of Scripture Memorization Cards for each child.
Be sensitive to the attention spans of your children. Stop if their eyes are glazing over or they have wandered mentally. You can start up again any time.

Day 1: Why Do You Get Angry?

Materials needed: Bible and hand mirror

Read Genesis 4:2b-7 aloud, or allow your children to take turns reading.

Discussion questions:

What did Cain offer to the Lord? (fruits of the soil)
What did Abel offer to the Lord? (fat portions from the firstborn of his flock – parts from a sheep)
Did the Lord like Cain’s offering?
Did the Lord like Abel’s offering?
How did Cain feel and react to this? (he was very angry, and his face was downcast)
(Handing your child the mirror)
- Can you show me what kind of face Cain might have made?
- Have you ever looked like that?
- When?
What did God say to Cain?
What do you think the Lord meant by: "If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?" (Cain obviously did not offer the proper sacrifice – he didn’t do it right)
Have you ever felt angry after being told you didn’t do something right or follow directions correctly? (allow the children time to talk freely about their experiences and how they felt)

Read Proverbs 19:20.

What will happen if you try to learn from what grown-ups tell you and follow directions carefully? (you will be wise)
Do you want to be wise?
What did this verse say you needed to do to become wise? (listen to advice, accept instruction)

ACTIVITY:

Help your children memorize Proverbs 19:20. Sign a contract with your child that agrees to the following: Every time he feels angry after being corrected, you will both say Proverbs 19:20 aloud together!

Day 2: You Have a Choice!

Read Genesis 4:3-7 again. Emphasize:

"But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."

Discussion questions:

What choice did the Lord give Cain at this point? (make his offering correctly or he will end up sinning)

Let’s review the course of events up to this point:
- Cain offered food to the Lord
- Abel offered the fat of a sheep to the Lord
- God didn’t like Cain’s offering
- God liked Abel’s offering
- Cain became angry
- God talked to Cain and gave him a choice

Read Genesis 4:8.

Discussion questions:

What choice did Cain make? (he chose not to follow the Lord's instructions about the offering, but instead killed his brother)
Did Cain listen to the Lord’s instructions about his offering and his anger?
What can happen if you choose to act out on your anger? (could hurt or kill someone – might do something really bad)

Read Deuteronomy 30:15-16a.

Discussion questions:

What two main choices does verse 15 say you have? (life and prosperity or death and destruction)
What are you commanded to do in verse 16? (love the Lord God, walk in His ways, keep His commands, decrees and laws)

ACTIVITY:

Practice saying Proverbs 19:20 a few times together, and review how your child has been doing with honoring his contract with you.

Day 3: Have You Ever Been Cheated?

Read Genesis 27:1-41.

Discussion questions:

Why was Esau angry at Jacob? (allow plenty of time for discussion)
What did Esau plan to do to Jacob after their father died? (kill Jacob)

Esau fed his anger long enough that he now held a grudge against his brother!
What can anger left to grow create in you? (a grudge)

Here is what the dictionary says a grudge is: "sullen malice or malevolence; ill will; secret enmity; hatred." So if you don’t deal with anger it can become hatred!

Read Matthew 18:21-22.

Discussion questions:

How many times did Jesus say you should forgive someone who does something bad to you?

The dictionary says forgive means: "to overlook an offense, and treat the offender as NOT GUILTY." (Webster's 1828)
If you forgive someone, will you treat them good or bad? Should you ignore them or be friendly? Should you be kind or mean to that person?
What did the dictionary say "to forgive" meant? (overlook an offense, treat the offender as not guilty)

ACTIVITY:

Can you think of someone who did something to you? Do you still like them and treat them the same as you did before they offended you? If you don’t treat them as though they never did anything wrong then you need to forgive them.

Help your child identify any offenders, offenses and discuss how to walk out the forgiveness. Forgiveness should diffuse any anger your child has against the offenders.

Day 4: When You Don’t Get What You Want!

Read 1 Kings 21:1-4.

Discussion questions:

What did King Ahab want? (Naboth’s vineyard)
Why didn’t Naboth sell King Ahab his vineyard? (Explain how lands were passed down from generation to generation as an inheritance and were not to be sold. They were meant to stay in the family. [Vines, p. 121] )
How did King Ahab take the answer "No."? How did he behave? (he went home, sullen and angry)

Read 1 Kings 21:5-16.

Discussion questions:

What did King Ahab do? Did he forget about the vineyard, accepting that he couldn’t have Naboth’s land?
Once again, what can anger that is allowed to grow do? (cause hatred and end up in killing)
What were King Ahab’s choices?
Did King Ahab make the right choice?
What were the results of his choice? (Naboth was falsely accused of a crime and stoned to death)
Has there ever been a time when you couldn't have something you wanted?
How did you feel when you were told no?

ACTIVITY:

Read Philippians 4:6-7 aloud.

The Bible tells us what to do when we are anxious about something (and desiring something enough to get angry or upset is being anxious).

Can we trust the Lord to give us what we should have? So if we don’t get something we want right away or not at all, it could be because it isn’t the best for us at this time. Let’s memorize this verse together. Help your child memorize Philippians 4:6-7.

Help your child ask the Lord for whatever they wanted or want at this moment. Explain that they need to then believe what the verse says.

Day 5: Life Isn’t Fair!

Read Jonah chapters 1-3 or briefly retell the story in your own words (they are probably already familiar with the story).

Ask your child to narrate back to you the story as it has been read aloud so far.

Then read Jonah 4:1-4.

Discussion questions:

Why do you think Jonah was angry?
Can you think of a time when someone did something bad and wasn’t punished for it? Do you think Jonah might have felt the same way?

Reread Jonah 4:1-4, then verses 5-11.

Discussion questions:

What did the Lord say to Jonah?
How did Jonah respond to the Lord’s rebuke?
Was Jonah letting his anger go or feeding it?
Do you think Jonah’s anger was really justified?
Have you ever felt angry about someone getting something when you felt they didn’t deserve it?
Have you ever felt angry when someone wasn't punished for something they did wrong?

Read Psalm 86:15.

Discussion questions:

What does this verse say about our Lord? (he is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love and always does what He says he will do)
Should you be happy or upset when someone receives mercy from others? Mercy means they did not get what they deserved.
Would you rather receive mercy when you do something wrong or be punished even though you realized you were wrong, apologized and changed?

ACTIVITY:

Cut a large heart out of construction paper. Open the heart and have the child write the following on it any way they like:

Love is . . .
patient
kind
does not envy
does not boast
is not rude
is not selfish
is not easily angered
does not keep track of wrongs

An alternative activity would be to cut out two hearts and write the above on pages. Staple the papers between the two heart covers creating a book.

Scripture Memorization Cards

Scripture Memorization Cards

I have created a colorful card for each of the scriptures listed in the devotion above. These are provided free for printing and distribution to your children.

These cards can be printed out, cut and compiled any way you like. They are best printed out on card stock, but they can be printed on plain paper as well. Use a hole-punch to make a hole in the corner of the cards and then connect them with a hinged metal ring, string or ribbon.

Have your children memorize one Scripture every few days or as indicated in the study. Help them learn to confess appropriate scriptures for anger-causing situations that arise. We can teach them young to rely on the Word of God to bring deliverance and change to their character.

Definitions are from the Noah Webster's 1828 American Dictionary of the English Language.